On The Outside
by rlassie
Summary: One little girl with self-esteem issues, one distracted mother and an event that could change the girls perspective on her family forever. Will she find her way back to them? AU Next Gen fic, Lily Luna/Lysander friendship with maybe a hint of more. T for slight swearing and perceived child neglect.


On The Outside.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything you recognize.

**Quick A/N – This is just a one-shot I couldn't get out of my head. It bears no relation to my other fics. But please enjoy anyway and please leave me a review! **

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Lily Luna Potter certainly was an odd girl. Everyone agreed with this and said that she was nothing like the rest of her family. Nothing like her oldest brother James who was the resident joker/prankster of the family, got really bad grades and always had a smile on his face. Nothing like her other brother Albus who was a major swot and had the grades to show for it. And most definitely nothing like her parents Harry and Ginny Potter who were war heroes and were deeply liked and respected by most of the magical community. No she was nothing like that. She was just Lily. Strange, silent, brooding, fiercely independent Lily. And she liked it that way.

She hadn't always been like that. When she was a little girl she was the apple of her parents' eyes. She loved being in her family, loved spending time with all her cousins. And she really loved hanging around and pestering her big brothers, even if they didn't seem to want to have much to do with her. She didn't mind that all that much, though it did make her feel left out and forgotten about at times. A feeling her parents didn't really do much to discourage. Even at that age Lily knew she wasn't as important as her brothers. Didn't get the attention that James did for pulling pranks or Albus did for getting good grades. And she was okay with that. Really. She was. Just being in her family was enough. Until one day a single event caused her whole world view to change.

It was a typical hectic saturday morning in the Potter household. Lily's cousins, Rose and Hugo Weasley, Fred Weasley and their family friends Lorcan and Lysander Scamander had stayed the night and because Lily's father had been called into work, Lily's mother had to deal with eight hyperactive children all by herself. As you can imagine, it wasn't an easy task. The two oldest, James and Fred, were continuously encouraging the other children to get into as much mischief as they could. Which the others gleefully did. So Ginny Potter had her hands full and was extremely distracted when seven year old Lily stumbled into the kitchen, Lysander behind her, holding her arm and bravely trying not to cry.

"Mummy" she whimpered, her voice very small in the rowdy kitchen. Ginny, who was trying to stop her eldest and his cousins from blowing up the family pets – literally blowing them up, as they were trying to recreate what Harry had once done to his aunt – didn't hear her.

"Mummy" she tried again, a little louder this time. "Mummy my arm hurts."

Ginny glanced over at her daughter briefly and was about to step forward when Rose rushed in, screaming her head off.

"Aunt Ginny Albus is being mean! He drowned my doll!" she yelled and Albus, who had followed her in, answered back just as loudly.

"I did not! I was teaching it how to swim! It's not my fault you freaked out when you saw it!" he shouted at her angrily and Ginny sighed and turned away from Lily.

Lily blinked and frowned, reached up to wipe her eyes and winced when the movement jostled her arm. Why wasn't her mummy listening to her? She decided to try again. She stepped closer to her mother and tugged on her arm.

"Mummy my arm really hurts" she said, tears thick in her voice and Ginny turned back to her with a sigh and a distracted frown.

"What is it honey? Did you hurt yourself? I'm sure it's nothing" she said in a bit of a rush. She went to tend her only to be diverted once more by the other children in the family. Lily blinked again in confusion before reaching up and tugging on her mother's arm, more forcibly this time.

"Mummy my arm-" she started and Ginny, who hadn't slept well the night before and was getting quite overwhelmed but all the demands, turned and snapped at her.

"What is it Lily! Can't you see I've got a lot on my plate at the moment? If you hurt yourself, it's your own fault! Please stop nagging me! You're old enough to take care of yourself!" she said irritably, tugging her arm out of her daughters grip and turning back to try and deal with the other childhood dramas.

Ginny was so distracted that she didn't even notice that her movement caused Lily to stumble backwards. She would have fallen if Lysander hadn't stepped forward and caught her in time. Lily stared at her mother in shock and disbelief. Her arm really hurt and her mother didn't want anything to do with her. She and her father never wanted anything to do with her. It was always all about James and Albus. She had always suspected that she wasn't as loved and wanted as much her brothers were. And this just proved it. She stepped back from the commotion, turned around and silently walked out of the kitchen and away from her mother, Lysander once again following her. She would do what her mother told her to do. She would take care of it herself.

And that's what she did. From that day on, after she had convinced Lysander that they should 'borrow' her mother's wand, look up healing spells and heal her arm themselves, Lily Potter always took care of herself. Her first attempt at healing wasn't a very good one, but she managed, and Harry and Ginny Potter never knew that with the help of her only close friend, their seven year old daughter healed her own broken arm. Or that she had problems with the movement of it for numerous years afterwards. All they knew was that slowly and surely their daughter, the apple of their eye, silently drew herself further and further away from them and the rest of the family. By the time Lily was in her sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the only way anyone could tell that she was part of the Potter family was because she looked very much like Ginny and was the spitting image of her paternal grandmother. Lily even tried to change that, by dying her hair black and trying to charm the colour of her eyes. It never took though, and after the tenth time of waking up with flame red hair and emerald green eyes again, she gave up.

So Lily Potter became a stranger in her own family. The black sheep. An outcast. Or that was how she saw herself. Lysander tried many times to change her mind about that but in the end he gave as well and just stuck by her. Lily was exceptionally glad of this. Lysander was still her only real friend and she was highly surprised he had decided to stay that way. He had been caught in the crosshairs many times over the years when her 'family' were trying to reason with her. She refused to listen to them though, telling herself it was better to be on her own. They didn't want her anyway. They never had. They had James and Albus and all the other beautiful, popular cousins. They just felt guilty. She continued to stubbornly think this up until the end of sixth year when the world decided to turn everything on its head again.

She hadn't meant to do it. She really hadn't. But the poor wee thing was just a puppy and when it ran, whimpering, into the Forbidden Forest, she couldn't not follow it. Even though she hadn't shown it to many people over the years, _especially_ not her family, Lily Potter was still a kind person at heart. Lysander was the only one who really knew this. And the puppy had been hurt. She was sure of it. Later she would come to realise how much of a fool she was for falling for such a trick. Merlin how she hated that stupid Potter family bravery and saviour trait. See where being a Potter got her? Up shit creek, that's where. It made her glad that she was in Slytherin. Mainly because she'd asked to be put there... But Lily really wasn't thinking of that at the moment though. All she was thinking about was helping the injured animal. So she followed it into the one place she knew she shouldn't be going. Everyone said the Forest was dangerous and that night, Lily found out that what they all said was indeed very true.

It wasn't her fault. How was she supposed to know that the seemingly innocent looking puppy wasn't so innocent after all? That as soon as it had lured its prey away from any help whatsoever, it would turn into a massive, nasty, teenage girl eating monster? It was only by pure change the Lily managed to defeat it with a well-placed stunning spell straight into its heart and get away. It wouldn't be moving for a while. Unfortunately the thing had managed to get its own shot in before she had dispatched it. Blood was dripping steadily down Lily's arm as she weaved her way back towards the castle. The monster had taken a rather large bite out of her shoulder and she knew that if she didn't see to it pretty quickly, she would be in a whole lot of trouble. It was the same arm she had broken and healed herself years ago and because of the limited movement she had in it, she hadn't been able to get her shoulder out of the way in time. She sighed. Another bloody thing to blame on her family.

She pushed her way into the castle and headed up the Gryffindor common room, blinking every once in a while to clear her vision. She had to get Lysander. He would know what to do. He had helped her with her other injuries over the years after she had refused to go see anyone about them. She just prayed to Salazar that she wouldn't run into any of her family on the way. She scowled fuzzily. Damn Lysander for not being in Slytherin with her!

Fortunately she managed to make it to the common room without running into anyone she didn't want to see. Her luck got even better when she saw a third year Gryffindor coming from the opposite direction, obviously heading for the common room as well. The girl stopped in shock and stared at Lily in horror when she saw her. Lily frowned at her, trying to control the trembling that was slowly spreading through her body. Her shoulder was thumping agonisingly in time with her pulse and she had started to sweat. She guessed she really wasn't a pretty sight to behold at the moment.

"You're going in there aren't you?" she asked the girl in a scratchy voice. The girl just continued to stare.

"Well? Aren't you?" Lily demanded and took a step towards her. She didn't go any further though. She found she couldn't. The room was spinning enough already. She glared at the girl and the girl jumped and gulped in fright before nodded quickly. Lily sighed in relief.

"Well go in and get Lysander Scamander would you? He's a sixth year. Tell him to come to Potions Laboratory number six" she said. Thankfully she knew that the laboratory would be empty this time of night.

The girl stood there, frozen, staring at her with fear clearly stamped across her features. Lily sighed and frowned.

"Please" she groused out and the word seemed to unfreeze the third year. She jumped again, stepped forward and mumbled the password to The Fat Lady who was watching the unfolding scene with interest. The girl threw one last terrified look over her shoulder at Lily and scrambled through the portrait hole.

"Look like you've been in a bit of a war there dearie" The Fat Lady commented. Lily glared at her before turning around and slowly heading back down into familiar territory. Hopefully she hadn't scared the chit too much and Lysander would come quickly. Her shoulder was really beginning to annoy her.

She didn't have to wait long. She had only just managed to lower herself gingerly onto a chair in the laboratory and tiredly run her useable hand through her hair when the door swung open again and Lysander stepped in. His eyes opened wide in horror when he saw Lily sitting there with blood pooling on the floor beneath her.

"Shit Lily!" he swore and lunged towards her, pressing his hand into her wound. Lily gasped in pain and then smiled wryly. Merlin in must be bad if Lysander was using that kind of language. He never swore.

"What in the bloody hell happened to you?" he demanded as he tried unsuccessfully to remove his shirt one handed so her could press it against the wound. Lily chuckled weakly at his clumsy attempts.

"Oh nothing much. Just had a monster puppy try to eat me, that's all" she said and then started laughing at her own humour. Her laughter soon turned maniac. Lysander frowned at her and swore again which caused Lily to laugh even harder.

"How much blood have you lost? No don't answer that. A lot going by how mental you're acting at the moment" he muttered and tugged at her clothing. He winced when Lily moaned in pain.

"I'm sorry Lily Flower but I need to see the wound" he said gently. Lily frowned dizzily.

"Don't call me that" she mumbled and Lysander chuckled. His amusement soon died after he drew her shirt away from her shoulder. He swore for a third time and then tried to get Lily to stand.

"Where are we going?" she asked vaguely. She really wished to world would stop going round in circles.

"To the Hospital Wing" Lysander said and immediately Lily froze. Lysander seemed to be expecting this though and stopped moving as well.

"What? No! I'm not going there! With your help I can take care of this myself. I don't need to go there!" Lily cried and Lysander frowned at her determinedly.

"Yes you do Lily. This is way too advanced for the two of us to tackle. I wouldn't even know where to begin" he said and sighed when Lily frantically shook her head.

"The wound is very deep Lily. And I think it may already be infected. Please stop being so bloody stubborn! I'm not going to stand here and let you bleed to death!"

"We can stop the bleeding though" Lily muttered and then moaned again when a spike suddenly drove itself into her shoulder. At least that was what it felt like.

Lysander scowled and stepped towards her. Instinctively Lily stepped back. She swayed as she stepped and her gaze dropped to her shoulder. The blood was fascinating. It just kept flowing. Down and down. Lily giggled and then frowned.

"Lysander?" she heard herself say weakly as her sight quickly zeroed down to a pin prick. "I think you better catch me."

The last thing Lily heard before even the pin prick was gone and blackness filled her vision was Lysander swearing again, rather violently this time. And then nothing.

It was the whispering that woke her. She instantly knew she wasn't in her dorm room. Her dorm mates didn't whisper to each other. They really weren't friendly enough to do that. Lily frowned slightly and decided to keep her eyes closed for the moment. She'd have more of a chance to figure out what was going on that way. It didn't take her long to recognize her parents' voices.

"Will she be okay Madame Pomfrey?" her mother asked in a strangely fearful voice. Lily frowned again. She must be in the Hospital Wing. Bloody Lysander. That still didn't explain why her mother actually sounded afraid for her. Lily listened hard as the elderly medi-witch answered.

"Well she lost a lot of blood Mrs Potter and I'm afraid to say that the wound was already quite infected when Mr Scamander brought her in. I cleaned it out though so she should be fine after a bit of rest. It's the other wounds that concern me."

"Other wounds? What other wounds?" her father asked in a confused voice. Lily snorted silently to herself. Of course he wouldn't know what Madame Pomfrey was talking about. He'd never paid enough attention.

"I'm afraid to say Mr Potter that her body is dotted with a lot of old scars and some very badly healed wounds. Some of them are simple cuts and grazes that shouldn't have left scars at all but others are much more serious. It looks to me like she has healed them herself" the medi-witch said. Lily heard her mother gasp.

"How is that possible? Students shouldn't be healing their own injuries! That's what this place is for!" Lilly's father said angrily. Madam Pomfrey sighed.

"That's what's confusing me. I don't have a single record of Lily being in here in the whole six years she's been at Hogwarts. Not even for a simple head cold" Madame Pomfrey said in a quiet voice. And to Lily's shock, Harry Potter exploded.

"WHAT! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY LILY IN THE WHOLE TIME SHE'S BEEN HERE? WHAT KIND OF BLOODY HEALER ARE YOU?_" _

Lily only just managed to stop her mouth from falling open. Her father was sticking up for her. _Her father was sticking up for her._ What the hell was going on here?

"It's not Madame Pomfrey's fault Uncle Harry. At all. It's Lily's" a new voice said and Lily's eyes flew open. Luckily no one was looking at her. They were all staring at Lysander.

"How is it Lily's fault? It's not her fault at all!" Lily heard James all but growl. Lily discreetly looked around and got another shock when she saw him and the rest of her large extended family surrounding the bed. The room was packed with Potters and Weasleys.

"Yes it is" Lysander said calmly. "She's been healing her own injuries for years. She did it the first time when she was seven."

As Lily heard her best and only friend betray her, she couldn't stop herself. She shot straight up in the bed, ignoring the shocked gasped from the other occupants of the room and glared at Lysander. He stared back at her and a small look of triumph flashed across his face.

"Knew you were awake" he said and without even thinking about it, Lily threw herself from the bed and towards her ex best friend. Lysander didn't move a muscle. He just sat there, smirking slightly as Lily's father grabbed her and forced her back down on the bed.

"Let go of me! I have to kill him! Bloody prat! How could you! I trusted you! I thought you were my friend!" Lily yelled as pain and betrayal swirled inside her. Lysander's smirk vanished and he stared at her for a second before he stood up, took her by the arms and gave her a slight shake.

"I am your friend Lily. I always will be. And that's why I did it. Because this has to stop. You could have died today. What would have happened if I hadn't of been around when that third year came up and told me that there was an extremely scary, extremely hurt Slytherin waiting for me in a potions laboratory? What would you have done then?" he demanded.

Lily opened her mouth and then closed it again and frowned at him stubbornly. Lysander snorted.

"Don't bother answering. I already know what you'll say. But that wound was really bad Lily. You couldn't have taken care of it yourself. And you know that somewhere in that stupid stubborn brain of yours."

"I would have been fine" Lily muttered and Lysander shook his head.

"No you wouldn't have. Just like you weren't fine when at the age of seven you bloody well healed your own broken arm."

Lily groaned and put her head in her hands and the room filled with sharp intakes of breath.

"You did _what?_" Ginny gasped.

"I really am going to kill you Lysander" Lily mumbled into her hands and Lysander sighed and pulled Lily's hands down.

"Tell them Lily. They have a right to know" he said quietly and Lily stared into his eyes as her heart pounded.

"Tell us what? What is going on here?" Harry all but shouted and Lily glared at him. Ginny shushed her husband, stepped forward, waved Lysander back and took his place. She put her hands on Lily's shoulders and stared into her eyes.

"Lily this is all very confusing. I know for some reason we have never been the family you wanted us to be but I never knew why. How have we disappointed you? How have _I _disappointed you? Why didn't you come to me when you broke your arm? Please tell me baby, so I can fix it. I miss you Lily Flower" she said quietly.

Lily stared at her for a second and then violently pulled away. She stared down at her trembling hands angrily.

"Lily…?" her mother asked and Lily heard the hurt in her voice.

"Tell them Lily or I will" Lysander said and Lily's head came up to stare at him in disgust. Lysander stared steadily back. She scowled at him.

"Fine. FINE! You think I didn't come to you when I broke my arm? The thing is though, _mother_, I did. And you didn't want a bar of me. You pushed me away. Told me to take care of it myself. So I did. And I have been ever since. I don't need you or anyone else to take care of me or my problems. I've been looking after myself since I was seven and I'm damn good at it. So why don't we all go back to the status quo where you and dad give all your time and attention to James and Albus and I go my own way. That way everyone will be happy!"

Lily was breathing hard as she finally aired her feelings on the years of pain and rejection she thought she had suffered. Her parents stood there absolutely stupefied. Lily stared at them for a second before she laughed bitterly.

"Yeah that's what I thought" she said. "You can all leave now please. I'm rather tired."

She turned away from the audience, got back into bed and curled up on her side. As she closed her eyes she heard Lysander sigh. Her parents still hadn't said anything and no one had left. Lily decided to just wait them out. Her eyes opened again when she heard Lysander start to speak in a quiet tone.

"When Lily and I were seven we were climbing a tree in her backyard. It was a saturday morning and I and a few others had stayed the night before. We were having fun when suddenly Lily fell. I heard the crack as she hit the ground. I climbed down and helped her up and we went into the house. There was a lot of stuff going on all at once and at first Lily couldn't get Aunt Ginny's attention. She did in the end though, but I think you didn't realise how bad she was hurt Aunt Ginny. Everyone else was demanding your attention and when Lily wouldn't leave you alone, you got frustrated and told her that it was her fault if she was hurt and to take care of it herself. Then you sort of shook her off you and turned away and you didn't see how Lily nearly fell again." Lily heard her mother moan softly.

"Since you told her to take care of it herself, Lily decided she would. We took your wand and attempted to heal her arm. It didn't go very well. To this day she hasn't got full movement in her arm because of it. And since that day she has not gone back to you for a single thing. She thinks you don't love her as much as you love James and Albus. Merlin knows how many times I told her that's not true. But she doesn't believe me because she's stubborn and pigheaded and thinks she's no way near as good at everything as her brothers are. She's always thought that."

As Lysander ended his little speech, Lily closed her eyes again. The pain inside her was unbearable. How could he betray her like that? She hated him. She hated them all. Lily suddenly stiffened as the bed dipped and her mother drew her back into her arms. It took her a minute to realise that her mother, Ginny Potter, war hero, was crying.

"Oh Gods Lily, my sweet sweet baby! I'm so very very sorry my love. So incredibly sorry. I remember that day and it definitely wasn't one of my finer moments. I had no idea you had hurt yourself that bad sweetie! But that's no excuse for the way I treated you. Please know Lily that I love you so so much! Both your father and I do. You are our Lily Flower. And we've never loved your brothers more than you. _Never. _We love you all equally. You are our children and all three of you are our life. All three of you Lily! I know that it will take a long time for you to forgive us and probably me in particular for this. But please try baby! I will always be here for you and I will always love you. Always Lily!"

Lily stayed completely still as her mother whispered this frantically against her hair. Her stillness slowly broke though as she began to shake and nine years' worth of tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Inside her, her heart was cracking open and it felt like it was finally starting to beat again.

So Lily Potter lay there in a bed in the Hospital Wing, in her mother's arms and for the first time in nine years, slowly began the journey back to her family. As her tears dried and she sniffed against her mother's throat, realising that she must have somehow turned towards her, she thought that her mother was right. She couldn't forgive them instantly. There were too many years of hurt for that. But as she lay there, felt the bed dip again and felt her father reach out and begin stroking her hair, she realised that it was a start.

Later that night Lily woke suddenly, tense and instantly aware that there was another person in the room. Another person awake that is. Her parents were asleep in armchairs beside her bed and hadn't left her side all day. They refused to. It had secretly thrilled Lily when Madame Pomfrey couldn't get them to move. It helped her believe that they really did love her.

"Whose there?" she whispered urgently. She relaxed again when Lysander stepped out of the shadows. She stared at him for a moment and then turned on her side and away from him. He sighed.

"Do you hate me?" he whispered and she squeezed her eyes shut tight.

"Yes" she whispered back truthfully. Because she did hate him. She couldn't help it. He had betrayed her in the worst possible way. When he didn't say anything she thought he must have gone until she felt his breath against her ear. Her eyes popped opened.

"I'm sorry Lily. I had to do it. And I'm not sorry I did. You need your family."

Lily stayed silent and she felt him sigh.

"I'll get you to forgive me someday. I know I will" he muttered. _No you won't_ Lily thought.

Lysander waited for his best friend to answer him but when she still remained silent, he sighed again. He moved away from the bed and Lily thought that he was finally going to leave. But then she felt his lips brush her head, just above her ear.

"Goodnight Lily Flower" he whispered and then he was gone. Lily's heart broke a little and as her parents slept beside her, she stayed awake for a long time, staring into the darkness.


End file.
